I say yes when I mean no. It's a terrible self destructing thing. After I say yes, I think, "I really wanted to say no." I then mull around in my wish of having said no all the way until I do whatever it was I said yes to. *sigh*
At 32, I am getting no better at saying no. I belong on an Oprah self-help segment with Dr. Someone who could fix this terrible, uncurable, ridiculous problem.
Here's how it usually goes:
Scenerio 1:
Nice Person A: Hey, Meleia. Are you busy?
Me: (thinking) H-Yeah. I constantly have a mile long to do list.
Me: (say) No, not at all, anything for you. What cha' need?
That's where I get trapped. Person A follows with something I SO don't have time for or don't have an interest in.
Scenerio 2:
Barely Know Person B: What are you doing tomorrow?
Me: (thinking) I'd like to do whatever the H I want to do.
Me: (say) Why? Is there something I can help you with?
Barely Know Person B: I need someone to ......
It just makes me want to cuss. Cuss really bad, loud words. It makes me ill, and not the good kind where your 'illin because Lord knows I don't even have time to do that. Here's the icing on the fake cake---NO ONE EVER HELPS ME. *pity party starts and ends here, I promise*
I have had person after person try to help me with it.
My sister said, "Meleia, if you do something you don't want to do, you just might remove an opportunity for someone who really wants to do it." I know, brace yourself, that's the one intelligent thing she has taken the time to tell me---and I listened.
My Nanny Ree says, "If you don't break the cycle of saying yes to everything, you just may model that same behavior for Libby and she'll be stuck like that."
None of it has sunk in.
I end this post leaving to do something for someone that I didn't really want to do, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings, so I said yes.
Goodbye.
4 comments:
I am the same way! I just can't say no and want to help everyone and anyone that asks me and when I don't I feel bad! But I usually can't get half of the stuff I need to done but love to help others! I think Sanna and Nanny Ree said it best! Maybe we can get on Dr. Phil or Oprah for a family help session!
Hi Meleia, Ken Richmond here. There was a time I also struggled with the "great and mighty" no, but NO longer. Actually, its one of my fav words to say. I think it just takes a little practice. Kind of like lays chips, "once you start, you can't stop"! Seriously, you have every right to say no. People (especially church folks) will drive you nuts trying to muddy up your life with their junk. By nature, asking a question will always yeild at least a 50% chance of getting a no. If they can't handle the percentages, that's their prob.
Peace!
I'm with Ken, the more you say it, the easier it gets. I used to have a very hard time saying no. Now it gets easier every time! :)
Okay...here comes my view on the topic. I was that way for years, and at times, fall back into the cycle every now and then. However, once you actually do become too busy to help anyone else, people honestly stop asking. So, my advice? Just let those calling know that you are busy with whatever you are busy with, just as they are or they would not be calling for help, and maybe you can help them out the next time. Just a thought. :)
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