1 New Text Message

Boy. Don't cha' just love when you get the old "1 New Text Message" prompt on your cellphone? It's exhilarating, right? We won't even talk about the experience of having it say like "12 New Text Messages". There's not a flashing font available to capture the moment of that. Well, I was in conversation with another teacher this morning when I got the "1 New Text Message" signal on my phone. Seeing that it was from McDaDa (aka Steven), I knew it must be great. Besides a couple of friends, my mom, and my sister, my text messages decrease when school is in session. Not to mention, I NEVER get a text from McDaDa. So, what could this glorious occassion be that I, wife of ten years, mother of a baby born on his birthday, possibly have done to have earned the excitement of "1 New Text Message"? Jump up and down for me, this could be a turning point in my life. I almost couldn't even continue my conversation with my colleague because I just had to pause to check it. Oh, I couldn't hardly contain myself, I felt a smile of something great just coming across my curious face. The anticipation of posssibly a dinner invite, a good job on your diet, a get up so early and go-get-it attitude pat on the back....The flute medley was just a-startin'. Here's the message....brace yourself, oh if it had only had a picture for what could possibly be within this text:

1 NEW TEXT MESSAGE

from Steven

Jan 30, 2008 8:23 a.m.

LB has acted like absolute sh...t the last 2 am's and as far as I'm concerned doesn't deserve any privileges. She's always going to be a brat if we let her get by with it.

Quite possibly, Alec Baldwin could have just done the voice over for that one. If you have seen that, YouTube him screaming at his kid on the phone.

Now, now. Steven doesn't raise his voice, nor does he cuss.

So, the flute medley of promises to come subside and Bon Jovi's "Shock To The Heart" song suddenly take over. Gah. What's a girl to do with that?

Not just, sh...t, but "absolute sh...t". Is that like a number value that can't go negative because it's the absolute? And, how far is McDaDa concerned? Like does he have the vote of the common citizen or that of the electoral college? 'Cause at times, it sho' does seem like the United States of your Himness.

What more privileges can I take away from her? She basically just exists and is four. I won't even address the last line. What do we think about the LB part? Like did I need her initials to know he was ranting about the only other resident in the household.

I felt like my mom when she was at work and my sister and I would call her because we were in the middle of a knock-down drag-out. There was nothing she could do. She was at work. The fact that Sanna was chasing me in circles from the back deck through the house and locked me in my dad's room with the phone while she threatened my life just wasn't appealing enough for anyone to come to my rescue. Not to mention we were in Chattanooga at Dad's and she was at work---IN CALIFORNIA.

Oh, my. Let's see shall I sit on the edge of my seat awaiting the end of my Friday work day so that I could ref a fight with only one of the fighters? In this corner of the ring, weighing in at 42 pounds, we have LB. In the other corner.......he's at work, or possibly in the car, texting his wife. It's what I'd refer to as a therapuetic text.

I don't know what more to do. I've read and implemented SuperNanny toddler years' chapters, talked to the pediatrician, prayed, and I'm out of options. Oh, wait, (do your best mock my husband voice for this line), "As far as I'm concerned, no body deserves to co-exist in this house because they're acting like /absolute sh...t/".

You know, I used to wish for texts from him, maybe I didn't know what I was wishing for.

TTFN (TaTaForNow)